bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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