What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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