i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
