My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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