We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
