Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize