Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
