I think my fart just growled at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
