We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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