just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
