On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
