God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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