I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
