he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the raccoons are back...
Randomize