I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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