Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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