Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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