oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
