Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
