We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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