Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
