he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
