he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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