Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
