My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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