chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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