yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
