I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
