It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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