I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
