So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
