I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i will never coherently bang her
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
