So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
