She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
