Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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