so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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