she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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