She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
