You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
