90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
