do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
