I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
