I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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