No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
