i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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