woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
