Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
