i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
