this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
