I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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