When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
