She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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