the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
