he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
