Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize