You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
