i just sent this text using only my big toe
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
