I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
