You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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