It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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