remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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