he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
