i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
