I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
