Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
