I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
