filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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